Enlightenment
by CanaanAlshea
Summary: Kurama Goes To Great Lengths To Ease His Mind...


_A NOTE FOR READERS: For those who kept up with 'Dying To Be Thin' and my relation with it, I am happy to tell you that I am in recovery. Not an official medical one, but one with the help of my friends and fiance, I am overcoming my bulimia and fasting rituals. I hope this means the picking up of that particular story; ideas are always appreciated, and thank you all so much for your patience. Enjoy this one-shot. _

_I swear this idea came to me in a dream... It was very, very strange. Difficult to write, but fun at the same time. Please forgive my long absense._

ENLIGHTENMENT  
Yoko_cw

_Summary: Kurama Goes To Great Lengths To Ease His Mind... (Hiei/Kurama romance warning)_

*Hiei POV*  
"Do you understand what I'm asking of you?"

I couldn't move; my eyes stayed locked on his, assured emerald with heavy black lashes. His mouth was set in a line; his whole body was eased, strong. ...What could I do?

"Yes. I'm not an imbecile."

"I trust you, Hiei."

"I know." I swallowed, lightly touched my fingers to his. I could not understand fully why this was what he wished to do. I couldn't wrap my mind around why remembering was so important that he was willing to die, risk serious injury and permanent damage. No...I could not understand. But I could prevent, I could observe. He smiled, a smile laced with uncertainty and strength all in one. My mixed-up fox with his ever contradicting actions.

We stood in the bathhouse, in comfortable silence and without looking at one another. The wood floor was polished, the shutters drawn so only small spiderwebs of light spilt in. They penetrated my eye, reflected off the small mirror leaning against the far wall. It was still; the bamboo did not move, there was no breeze to coerce it. It was peaceful, calm and without malice. I tried to breathe. ...Kurama did the same. I took note of the slight tremor in his hand, the way he tucked a lock of hair behind his ear in a nervous fashion. I remained silent. Small drops of water clung to his sanguine hair, little shining pearls that refused to move.

"Are you sure about this?" My voice echoed in the little room. I recieved no definate response. Only a glance, a small movement of his shoulder. Silently the white robe fell, solemly and without clinging. I took note of protruding shoulderblades, the way his waist narrowed. His wrists and ankles poked outward. 'So we were right to be suspicious of your eating habits...' I counted three ribs before he slid into the pale blue water.

I sighed, "Be safe."

A small nod, a quick moment to breathe...and then he vanished beneath the pool of water.

I took a moment to let him adjust. His head sunk neatly below the surface; ears, cheekbones, eyes, nose. The water stilled. He looked like a fresh corpse with closed eyes and blank expression. I remembered my role; to supervise his energy. I was to disturb only when his life was in danger; other than that, I was not to move him, not to make noises, and not to speak.

I stared for a moment before forcing my hands to pull the top over.

...Like closing a coffin.

*Kurama POV*  
Silence. Blackness. My heartbeat no longer existed. My body floated in space while my mind wandered. Little things, bits of memories drifted in and out like fog. I saw myself, though I was myself, in my past. Things I did not intend to remember came into my eye.

_Spots of black and blue littered my arms. Some larger than others, darker and unable to fade. Gold eyes identical to mine glared, sharp and unyielding. "What have you done this time?" The voice althought soft was biting, sending chills down my spine. "Nothing...it was nothing...!"_

_I am seven years old._

_"Mama, I didn't..."_

_"Shut up!"_

Hands forced over my mouth, a sharp slap to the side of my face. I am watching abuse, I am feeling nothing.

Fast forward...

_He's running away, this smaller version of myself. Bony fingers clenched around a pouch of gold coins, a grin spreading across his face because he knows he can outrun any of those fat slobs back in the market. It his his first pickpocket. Run away, little me, to a destiny you will grow to try to escape..._

Fast forward, quick glances of time. Faces, names, color, me, them, lovers friends enemies gold silver pain love adreniline its too much make it stop I can't breathe...!

_...Pause. Blood. Bamboo leaves falling in a whisper. The sharp smell of blood and pain._

Kuronue is dead.

I close my eyes and turn away, sick to my stomach as the fox runs with tears in his eyes.

And somewhere, there is an emotion. Something that does not belong to me but touches me deeply. A little pinprick in my heart.

"I forgive you."

My eyes grow hot. A sharp intake of breath and tears are falling quickly down my face.

"It wasn't your fault."

A warm embrace, lips brushing my cheekbone. A quiet gesture so full of emotion.

A whisper rings through the black I fall into:

..."I love you."...

A rush of black and white an intense migraine colors flooding my lungs expanding I can't breathe Blackness and Quiet and my head is hitting something hard.

A bruise.

I panic. I beat my fists against my cell walls and thrash, trying to breathe, find something to use. Something to tell me where the escape is. I find none; only hard wood that is scraping me. A sliver slips beneath the fragile nail. Pain. Black. Quiet.

My terrifying, spaceless prison.

Water? Where am I? Dear god please get me out I'll do anything, don't let me die, I don't want to die...!

...Then the gate opens. My pupils are stabbed with to much light, and I become aware of the water that's grown too cold. Eyes like dried blood lock on mine. I can't breathe.

***Hiei POV***  
I held him up by the back of the neck, breathing nearly as hard as he with panic. He'd been thrashing, banging, screaming for escape; a chilling scream that made my heart ache. I figured that was enough to free him of his self-made prison. His eyes locked on mine, though for a moment, he didn't seem to notice I was even there. His chest heaved, desperately drinking in the warm air.

"Hiei...!"

"I'm here." I whisper, careful not to move until he's back to sanity. It takes a moment before it clicks and his eyes are slightly wet with new tears. He whispers my name and I finally pull him close. His body was cold and soaking the front of my cloak. I tried not to notice. I stroke his hair, pull him out and wrap him in a towel and his yukata. We trembled and listened to him breathing.

"...Hiei?"

I stroke my thumb along his temple, acknowledging.

He takes a moment to breathe, panting slightly. He's pale, dark circles beneath his eyes, and there is no expression. But he seems somehow calm, relieved through the panic and sadness. "He forgives me."

I smile. There is a wetness along my face aswell. I tell myself it's from his hair. I just hold him; there's nothing for me to say back. He clings to me and whispers:

"I am forgiven."

END


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